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In 2001, the Internet lay in ruins. Torn by radical sinners against Spam, and wracked by much
non-silliness, the Internet was slowly being destroyed. Dazed and confused, people walked the streets, many of them hungry (the people, not the streets). Anyway, many
of these people called out for salvation, and they turned to the only people brave and super suave enough to help them out.
"...Nobody Expects the SPAMish Inquisition!"
With these words, so began a reign of terror that plunged the Internet into much silliness and a bit of naughtiness. But what was the catalyst
that brought about the Spamish Inquisition? We return you now to the heady days of 1999.
It was a Time of Darkness, a Time of Evil, and a Time for Sandwiches. Evil forces gathered as the yearly Spam Sinners Meeting was
underway. Their first task: To Destroy SPAM!!!!!!! Their second task: To eat at the nice buffet brought by Earl's Chicken Emporium.
Their plan: Well, they hadn't fully thought of it yet, but, they would prepare... something... they just weren't sure of what it was going to be.
The one thing that was certain, the Spam Sinners would have to face the full power of Hormel and that would lead to trouble.
As luck would have it, Chartered Accountant Arthur Smedley was in the next room and
overheard the plans. He quickly called the forces at Hormel to alert them of impending danger. The Head of Hormel, Dirk Beefcrunch, called
all of the operatives together to decide on the best course of action. Finally, it was decided to implement Plan B and create a force to destroy Spam
Sinners around the world. But who? Who? Dirk put on his thinking hat, and thought about it.
Dirk thought...
and thought...
and thought...
had a beer...
and then...
"Of course, I will recruit DWoods and Zuel to combat the Spam Sinners."
At the time, Zuel was fighting the evil stalactites of the planet Winnebago while DWoods was investigating the mystery of what exactly is in Chicken McNuggets.
Our Heroes?!?!?!?!
Yes! DWoods and Zuel! Dedicated to preserving Truth! Justice! And the Spamian way of Life! Quick as a limpet, DWoods and Zuel jumped into action
and prepared to battle the forces of Spam Sinners. Using there super cool abilities which we'd love to show, but unfortunately, they would be too expensive and
we just don't have the budget, DWoods and Zuel created... The Spamish Inquisition!
However, unbeknownst to our heroes, the Spam Sinners had employed a couple of Mad Scientist and were about to unleash their terror on
an unsuspecting world. The Spam Sinners needed some men that were brave and strong and so, they brought in Agents X and Y (Voted most sexiest men on the
planet) to destroy DWoods and Zuel.
Panic reigned throughout the land. Nothing was sacred. The Horror! The Horror! The Horr- wait, I all ready mentioned the horror. Sorry.
As we said, nothing was sacred. Just LOOK at what they did to DWoods' hair!
As you can see, it was very disturbing. Well, anyway, it was super bad and Zuel and DWoods were called to save us all! Even though DWoods was
having a bad hair day! Hip Hip Hooray! Nice! Nice! Yah Boo!
Start again.
Zuel and DWoods were called to save us all and off they went. Using the latest in avant-garde spacecraft, our heroes went off to the Lusty Busty Planet of Drunken Amazon
Sorority Girls, as there had been some reports of Spam Sinners in the area. No, really, there were reports of Spam Sinners, it wasn't like we were going there for some beer
and babes. I'm serious. I even have the reports, as well as 4 copies of our orders. Plus I have a note from my mommy. So we went, and prepared to do battle with the Spam Sinners.
However, what we found were...
Babes!
Yes, believe it or not, the Lusty Busty Planet of Drunken Amazon
Sorority Girls actually has babes. I myself was in shock! Yes, shock! But that wore off real quick and I mean real quick. Heh.
Well, we had a quick look around for any Spam Sinners, and then, we partied with the babes! WooHoo!
Alas, tragedy struck as several wombats were involved in an accident on Highway 12 when a truck carrying high
octane fuel was in a collision with... oh, oops. Was reading the News for Wombats by mistake. *Ahem* Let me get the right script and, ah yes, page 9.
Alas, tragedy struck as DWoods and Zuel fought over the babes, having been overpowered by massive babe pheremones, our heros were not themselves.
Night after night of lusty crazed parties as both tried to get all of the babes for themselves. All seemed lost, the end seemed near, as the babes had full control of the minds
of our heroes (lucky bastards) as Spam Sinners prepared to take over the world for there own nefarious purposes.
Here is our slightly psychotic groupie babe, Sophia. You wouldn't believe what she did to get her picture here. WooHoo!
Will DWoods and Zuel survive the babes on the Lusty Busty Planet of Drunken Amazon Sorority Girls?
Will the world survive while gangs of marauding Spam Sinners stalk the streets?
Will Dirk Beefcrunch ever get his hat off?
Will Sophia ever take her damn top off?
Tune in Same Spam Time, Same Spam Channel.
Or, you can just click below to see what happens next.
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